Masculine/Feminine Energies and the Nervous System

One of my current endeavors is to find a balance between masculine and feminine qualities. So they can nourish each other and thrive each: Allowing myself to rest when my body asks for it, taking breaks and bellybreaths in between doing things. And equally giving myself as well as following structure, sitting down to do things for my emerging 😎 business each day, reading a bookchapter in the morning instead of immediately checking my phone.

The book I'm currently opening in the mornings (after "Women living deliciously" and "Ikigai 365" – I recommend these wholeheartedly, all of them were always giving me important nudges for the day.) is "Atomic Habits". It talks about doing small tasks, each day, +1% dedication in the direction we dream ourselves and our lives to be. Atoms – that over time compound to a molecule aka desired behavior (with the respective outcomes). The author uses this beautiful allegory:

"Bamboo can barely be seen for the first five years as it builds extensive root systems underground before exploding ninety feet [2.3 meter] into the air within six weeks."

Whereas his book hasn't intrigued me much 2 years ago when I bought it, his suggestions land on fertile ground now.

I'm way more open now to suggestions like these. I do believe because large junks of traumatic material have started to move through me over the last couple months. Traumatic energy that for me has showed up as:

• a certain paralysis (which can be coupled with activation aka actions that come with busy-/restlessness – which is often referred to as functional freeze)

• a collapse, lethargy, sense of powerlessness –  commonly, and often negatively labelled as the "victim-state"

• chronic shame, guilt, sadness

• rumination / obsessive thinking

...to name a few.

As it goes, once such symptoms ease up, naturally more space is created in our systems. For us to play, make mistakes, try things out... as we recover from setbacks much more quickly (= increased nervous system resilience) and they don't land on our identity so harshly. It often results in a sense of internal strength – the voice that says "I can do it" becomes louder...

Anyways, back to my original thought: Reading about the power of incremental, small changes, made me think of my own mindset: I do catch myself still sometimes thinking that things should kind of happen automatically already. That I should be much quicker in self-regulation by now*.

Yet, truth is, it's a practice. It's a practice of

• reminding myself gently, that I cannot push away what is present now – by forcing myself to 'track my sensations'.

• taking time for grounding and orientating, observing my breath, feeling the wind on my skin – or any of these regulation-tools. In small yet consistent doses.

• repeatedly inviting myself to track my sensations, so I can notice what supports my nervous system and what doesn't (being with these people or other, expressing myself this way or the other, going to bed at that time or the other, tackling tasks or taking another moment to arrive and sip my tea/decaf... etc.).
  

All the tools and things we do, do not simply, magically create change over night. (even if some marketeers promise it. which is why I became quite allergic to things like 'find your soulmate after this weekend workshop' or 'become a 6-figures coach with our 1-year coaching program' and such).

So, if I share tool for self-regulation – as I did a few weeks ago on my Instagram stories, I want to give context. Bringing awareness to that long-term results, kind of a "second nature" will become evident over time, after returning to the practice again and again. "Atomic Habits" reminds me to remind people of the importance of this what I currently call "masculine structure". A masculine structure that is not unhealthily forcing and pushing, but one that comes with curiosity, as an invitation, with safety.... A structure that our nervous system can relax into. A structure that doesn't override our bodies, but helps us stay inside.

Which – looked through a nerdy nervous system lens – is possible, exactly because :

• predictability → safety

• rhythm → regulation

• choice + agency → ventral vagal activation

And here's the tool which I posted a few weeks ago:

OMG, this was supposed to be a simple, short post about the importance of creating habits when wanting to see change – including when it comes to nervous system regulation and resiliency. And all at once it organically happened that I tied it back into polarity teachings (feminine/masculine energy) and nervous system functioning...

Thanks for reading. As always, I'm curious to hear from you and delight in emerging conversations.

Love, Rahel

*Which is in itself pretty tricky thinking, as it can come with an old flavor of "I should fix myself", nervous system regulation becoming another goal where a part of me wants to proof my worth... whereas in fact, the nervous system regulates itself organically, just when we let it do what it wants while staying aware of how we feel in the body**. That, and for some of us, self-regulation is not easy even with the right attitude and strong will – because our nervous system didn't experience co-regulation enough as small children or in the womb, so the neural pathways for self-regulation simply had no chance to develop as much. **gently tracking the physical in the body – and also allowing ourselves to orient outwards, simply noticing when we are not in the body anymore – numb, distracted by our thoughts, collapsed. I've been writing about this a few times already in this blog. You can also practice it step-by-step with my free Somatic Mini-Guide "A Map Back to Your Body".